If I’m being honest, I never really thought about my love language until I began dating my boyfriend, Marlin. From the very beginning of our relationship, I was determined to find out exactly how I show love, how I prefer to receive love, and what doesn’t make me feel loved. Plus, not only is it a great tool in romantic relationships but in friendships and other relationships as well! That’s when I realized, you could definitely apply the 5 love-languages to yourself and simply think of them as the 5 self-love love languages in order to figure out how to invest in yourself and focus more on self-care and all-around self-love on a day to day basis!
Because I’m pretty obsessed with all kinds of personality tests (16-personalities being my favorite, and the enneagram being in my top three!), I’m always trying to find new ways to apply them to my life. Whether it’s figuring out how to better my relationship, find my personal style, or level up my career, there’s always time for self-reflection and self-improvement! Especially in the new year!
However, while our interpersonal/romantic relationships are the initial reason we look to the love languages for guidance, the relationship we have with ourselves might actually be the most important one of all! With that, we all know how necessary self-love and acceptance is for our confidence, emotional, and mental well-being, and our overall lives; so, why not figure out the exact things that get us there (and those that maybe don’t) with the 5 self-love language test?!
P.S: Your self-love love language might be the same as your regular love language, or it could be completely different. See which one speaks the loudest to you and let me know in the comments!
The Five Love Languages are:
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
1. Words of affirmation ~ Think self-love
Those who identify the most with “words of affirmation” are the people who love hearing compliments and knowing what they’re doing is right and effective in a relationship. They love it when you give them reassurance and let them know that they are loved and give a lot to the relationship. The same goes for your relationship with yourself! Encouraging yourself through words helps you feel appreciated and loved — and it doesn’t even cost a penny!
- Practice daily affirmations (by journaling them or saying them out loud).
- Journal all of your strengths.
- Create a gratitude journal.
- Channel your inner BFF and write yourself a love letter.
- Come up with a daily mantra that you can say to yourself in the morning.
- Talk to a loved one.
2. Acts of service ~ Do self-love
If you’ve ever done something for yourself (such as making your bed in the morning for an easy night later, meal prepping your lunch the night before, or creating a to-do list you knew you’d need tomorrow.) and were grateful for your past self, this is likely your self-love love language! This basically means that you enjoy setting things up and preparing things for yourself to make life easier for you later on. Another indicator that this is how you show love to yourself is doing small acts of kindness for yourself!
- Prepare healthy meals for the week. Put thought and effort into grocery shopping and meal preparation.
- Dive into a practice of self-care for 30 minutes. For example, a soothing bath, a face mask, painting your nails, etc.
- Create an organized, clean and aesthetically pleasing home environment for yourself. Love where you live, even if you’re on a budget.
- Workout and move your body each day.
- Be sure to schedule any needed physical, dental and mental health check-ups. Also, address any health concerns in a timely manner if they arise.
3. Receiving gifts ~ Absorb self-love
When I first read this list, I thought to myself, “Well, who doesn’t like to buy themselves gifts?” However, this goes a little beyond the simple idea of “treat yo’ self.” These gifts don’t always have to be big purchases — individuals who closer to this love language feel revived and loved through life’s little indulgences. From enjoying a piece of chocolate when you’ve made it through most of your workday, to buying something for yourself or going somewhere when you reach a set goal, etc. You like to reward yourself for a hard day’s work and when you accomplish something.
- Buy yourself only what you love – purging anything that doesn’t bring you joy.
- Gift yourself with a certain experience on your bucket list. Always wanted to go skydiving or go whitewater rafting? Budget it out and plan it.
- Invest in your education and expand your knowledge. Want to pursue a higher degree? Take a cooking class? Learn how to be a yoga instructor? Do the research, apply for grants and scholarships, volunteer to learn new skills. Gift yourself with knowledge.
- Allow yourself to finally use those face masks you’ve been saving for a special occasion.
4. Quality time ~ Be Present with Self-Love
Quality time is about spending productive time with yourself. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be cleaning out your closet or checking off tasks on your to-do list all day every day. Instead, focus this time on being present and getting to know more about yourself. Just as you would when spending time with a partner or your friend, pay attention to what sparks joy and happiness when you are alone.
- Don’t overschedule yourself or make yourself too busy. Give yourself some much needed relaxing, you time!
- Prioritize your sleep!
- Prioritize exercise and movement.
- Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will help you connect with your highest self.
- Spend time doing activities and hobbies that you love, allow you to destress, and bring you plentiful amounts of joy!
5. Physical touch ~ Feel self-love
If your self-love love language is physical touch, you feel at peace when you’ve done things to make your physical body feel better and more relaxed. If you book a massage after a stressful day or hit the gym when you’re worrying about something, you feel loved when you’re focusing on your external health and wellness.
- Stretch your muscles, go to a yoga class, use a foam roller, or get a massage.
- Take a bath with Epsom salt to detoxify your body and relieve your sore muscles.
- Establish a relaxing, in-depth skincare routine.
- Moisturize your face, neck, and body.
- Treat yourself to a day at the spa, a manicure, pedicure, facial, a hair cut, etc.
What is your Self-Love Love Language?!
Mine is either quality time or acts of service. But let me know yours in the comments!