In many years of practice, I have noticed that a lot of people tend to confuse self-love and self-care. A lot of the times, many individuals find themselves typing into google “how to love yourself” in which you see lists come up with ideas such as “treat yourself to a hot stone massage,” “go out for a relaxing walk,” or “take a bubble bath.” Don’t get me wrong, all of those ideas are terrific and so important for your mental health and taking care of yourself!
However, these strategies, in particular, are really just forms of self-care!
Self-care strategies such as these are not necessarily the best optimal tools for diving deep into your emotions and what is in your heart and mind while you’re on your journey to self-love.
The practice of self-love is so essential for feeling great about yourself each and every day without feeling the need for adding those extra self-care tools. Now, these two do go hand in hand, but it is so important to know the difference between the two and not mix them up.
Self-love means loving yourself unconditionally and unapologetically every single day!
While self-care is taking the time to appreciate and love yourself physically, spiritually, financially, or organizationally, self-love is the journey of taking care of your emotional health!
These are the tips that I truly believe in, and that I have personally implemented into my life. Strategies and tips that will help you along your passage to loving yourself and allowing that beaming light of confidence shine through! Because I know you have it!
Now it is so important to know that self-love is not something that is immediate.
Self-love is not something that is going to be a “light bulb” moment where you wake up in the morning and have full admiration of yourself. It is something that you have to condition yourself to do each and every single day!
Sadly, we have been brought up in a society where we are constantly striving for more, more, more. Social media sites that we include ourselves in are a huge contributor to the problem because we have now been conditioned to wanting more, to wanting something different, or having the mentality that we need to look or act differently.
Don’t Let Social Media Negatively Influence You
In the process, this portray of false reality has affected so many people in recent years and unfortunately, it has lead to individuals wanting a whole different life as the outcome and look at their own lives in a negative light.
It is so hard to fight this mentality because this is what we see every single day.
That is why self-love and acceptance is a journey and a practice that you have to commit to every single day! If you do practice the journey of self-love every day, I promise you that the results you receive from it will be life-changing and it becomes the foundation of a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.
So make the commitment today my friends! You are worth it! And your future self will love you for it!
1. Watch Your Language
Various individuals are subconsciously saying the nastiest, most hateful things to ourselves. I’ll admit, I have done this before as well. But think about it friends, if we were to say these inner thoughts, that we consistently say to ourselves, out loud we would be classified as a total jerk and a negative person that nobody would like to be around.
Think about it…
If a person you admire was to say to you the same exact things that you say to yourself, constantly, and try to bring you down with those hurtful words, you would probably stay away from that person and remove them from your life in any way possible!
So then why is okay for us to mentally attack ourselves and hurt ourselves emotionally, as a verbally abusive bully would? Since these sayings are eternalized, they do not get the same repercussions as they would if we were to say them aloud or to others.
Become Your Own Biggest Fan
Friends, it so important to really listen to how you are speaking to yourself whether it be in the mirror when you’re talking about the way that you look, or when you make a mistake.
You beat yourself to the ground with your own words and attaching that one mistake to your identity and branding yourself with it. Negative words like “I am a failure,” “I hate myself,” “I suck at this,” “I will never be good enough,” “no one will like me,” “I’m too fat or I’m too skinny” do not define who you are and we need to stop telling this to ourselves as if it does.
These thoughts that you condone on yourself are not your identity! The way that you look or the mistakes that you have made, none of that identifies you and none of it makes up who you are as a person.
Stop speaking to yourself with so much anger, resentment, and negativity. At times of speaking to yourself, it is so important to use empowering encouragement!
Be There For Yourself!
Become your own biggest fan! Be your own life coach and cheerleader! Because at the end of the day, you are the only one you can truly rely on, so you HAVE to be the one to say “yes I’ve made mistake, but I can fix it!”
Flourish from the experience and ask, “how will I overcome this mistake and grow from it? What was the lesson I have learned from this, and how can it/will it improve me for future relations?” Or when you’re feeling down on yourself and having one of those awful days you can say “yeah I feeling bloated today and I’m wearing no makeup and my hair is in a messy, greasy bun but I have beautiful eyes.”
“I have a bright smile” or “I have an amazing sense of humor that makes others laugh and feel happy.” YOU have to be the one to give yourself that advice and that confident pep talk just as you would if you were talking to a friend who felt that same, negative way that you did!
So do the same for yourself, watch the language that you use to yourself, and stop attaching harmful words to who you are! Words that shatter your self-worth and make you feel less loveable, because they couldn’t be further from the truth!
2. Discard the Blinding, Negative Filter
Quit focusing on only the negatives in your life!
Step back and gain a new perspective on the situation!
I cannot stress this enough friends!
Look at something negative in your life with a brand new perspective. If you find yourself complaining that everything bad happens to you, close your eyes and ask yourself questions.
Questions like, “what are the possible good qualities that can come out of this situation,” “how can I look at this from a perspective of self-growth and development?”
Ask yourself, “what will I learn from this situation, and how can I do better or use this situation to my advantage?” This will allow you to gain a better insight into the situation, which will allow you to reflect on the positive outcomes that could come out of a difficult situation!
Make Some Lemonade…
Then, open up your mind to potentially positive outcomes that could happen! Instead of focusing on the negative things that could happen!
When life gives you lemons, you have to find ways to make lemonade!
That is how you become resilient and accomplish success!
Related Post: “How to Become a More Attractive and Positive Person”
3. Spend Some Time Alone
No, I do not mean spending time by yourself on your phone, watching television, or playing video games.
I mean spending some time alone getting to know yourself and doing something that pertains to YOU. Like the example with social media, we have become so custom to scrolling through sites that we have become so disconnected from ourselves.
We judge ourselves by the highlight reels of other people’s lives that we know nothing about! We simply see one picture or one post and immediately start comparing someone’s seemingly perfect world to our own. And it takes a toll on our mental health!
How do people expect to love themselves when they don’t even know who they are?
So spend some time getting to know yourself, take yourself out to lunch, take a drive somewhere, go on a solo getaway, or simply just spend some time in meditation. Sit down and think with yourself, be present and give yourself the undivided attention that you deserve, and that you would be more than willing to give to others.
Treat yourself like the best friend you have always wanted or needed to lean on. Approach this on a cellular level, this allows you to dig deep into exactly you who are without the influence of others or media around you telling you what you think you need.
If you are not waking up happy and going to bed satisfied with yourself, if you do not know who you are, then it is so important to remove yourself from these external sources and simply disconnect to reconnect!
4. Start Self-Love Journaling
This has helped me immensely on my journey to self-love!
The ability to externalize all of the thoughts going on in your mind and laying them out on paper in your own words is so powerful! Brain-dumping your current thoughts every single day until you can’t write anymore is a great place to start!
Reflect on your sentences and think about why you are maybe feeling a certain way or why you are thinking about yourself in a certain light. When you keep all of these thoughts to yourself and never externalize them, it’s so hard to keep your thoughts organized because they are not 100% clear and you cannot focus on each individual thought because they get jumbled up in your brain!
However, when you write how you’re feeling that given day, the emotions that you are going through, how you are feeling about yourself, or any issues or problems you are having or stuck on, then you can begin to think of what you can do to solve it!
Make a visual plan for yourself towards your journey of self-love now that you have your feelings laid out right in front of you.
The process journaling this way and having this powerful stream of consciousness can allow you to write ALL of your feelings out to organize and unravel your thoughts in a much easier way! Letters of intuition, ask yourself questions, create a list of positive attributes (talked about in #6), gratitude lists are all great journal templates that you can begin to write out today!
Make the Love List!
Pull out a notebook or a piece of paper and lists all of the characteristics that you LOVE about yourself. Every single day take the time to write down 5 things that you love about yourself!
What you love physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and what you love about your personality!
These are the characteristics that make you who you are and why you love yourself for them! Make this list every morning before you get out of your bed, before you send the kids off to school, while you’re at work, etc. To make it simple, this practice of journaling and writing down your 5 attributes will help you connect with yourself on a much deeper level!
5. Rewrite Your Script!
#5 goes back to journaling and watching your enteral language! But I think you may need to hear it again! Once you realize that you are thinking negatively for yourself, acknowledge the feeling, identify the source of the feeling, and then consciously make a new statement re-writing your thought(s) as a more positive one!
This goes back to journaling your thoughts and writing them all out on a piece of paper. Stop yourself from saying negative things about yourself when you are journaling as well!
Instead of telling yourself or journaling, “I’m a failure for not losing a pound this week.”
“I will focus on what I have to accomplish to see my goals this brand new week and I will not allow a very small setback destroy the goal that I am working towards and the amazing progress that I have already made!”
6. List Your Positive Attributes (reflect on them daily!)
As mentioned in #4, create a list of positive attributes about yourself!
This can be difficult for someone who habitually thinks negatively of themselves, but try to find one positive thing about yourself to add to your list every day! At the end of each day, reflect on your entire list!
Make your list very specific!
Instead of using common adjectives to describe yourself, try listing specific actions or attributes that describe who you are and what you do in great detail.
After you read and reflect on your list, remember that each item on the list, however insignificant it may seem, is a reason that you are worthy of respect and love!
7. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
This one is especially true with social media, and the people that we follow and view online every single day. It is so, so important that you recognize social media and the pictures that see posted by other people for what is: a highlight reel.
You see the highlights posted by these people that you may or may not know about and immediately want to judge yourself and compare yourself to their level of success. Or how many followers or likes they have, their accomplishments, their looks, their personality; and you instantly and unfairly compare yourself to them and begin to see yourself as not as worthy or not as successful.
In reality, these people are human too, and they do the same boring things that you do! They eat, do laundry, wash dishes, shower, and make their bed like you do every day.
These People Are Not Superhumans
Influencers online are not robots that never stop hustling or don’t stop working every minute of the day! These are not people who don’t get sad, never get let down, never feel hurt, never get angry, never have bad or off days, these people are humans too!
The people you follow online are people that still take breaks, spend time with their family, sleep, go to the bathroom, read and do normal things that make up our day just like you and me! It is so important to realize that people just put the best of themselves online!
If you are trying to look at yourself at a realistic moment (unshowered, no makeup, forgets to shave your legs, has coffee stains on your oversized sleep shirt) and comparing all of that to someone who is looking gorgeous and all put together going to a red carpet event on Instagram or Facebook, of course you’re going to feel like sh*t about yourself! Nonetheless, they do all the mundane, simple, gross, and boring stuff too!!
You Have Already Earned Your Right to Be Here!
Please stop comparing yourself to other people that you see! Always remember that you are meant to be YOU in this world, and you are exactly who you are supposed to be!
You are a badass, unique, incredible human being and you have earned your right to be here right now and you are absolutely, 100% not supposed to be anybody else.
The world needs you to be you!!
8. Commit and Take Action!
Now it’s important to remember that the path to self-love does not exactly mean full self-acceptance!
While it is 100% true that you need to accept and love who you currently are, but it does not mean that can’t strive to grow and be better each and every day. Go out and challenge yourself, learn new things, get out of your comfort zone, do things that scare you!
Focusing on self-love and self-development will empower you, motivate you, and allow you to grow as a human being!
Which in result makes you feel so much better about yourself!! Which of course makes you love yourself!
You know, and I know my friend, that you are working so incredibly hard! I mean obviously, you’re on this page for a reason!! Give yourself some credit, some empowerment, and some much needed, and much-deserved love!
What are some ways that YOU practice self-love??
For me, I personally like to create a playlist of self-love, and empowering songs that make me feel positive and awesome about myself! Finding songs that make you feel like you and make you feel like a badass queen is a great way to add those little daily reminders to love yourself and motivate yourself to love and empower others as well!
Start your day with songs that you visualize/ daydream to.
Of course, you can use whatever resonates with you! But it’s essential to find things that remind you of just how amazing you are! Is there a tip/strategy that I mentioned that you will implement into your life?
I would love to know in the comments!